Dear married men,

It is an anomaly to be more intimate with others than with your wife

You know when Titi is not sounding right on the phone even though she’s laughing but the one you’re sleeping and waking up with, you don’t know that or you’ve lost touch with that

You’re more invested in others than your wife because you’re a man, getting married to your wife was a ‘goal’ and because men are ‘goal-oriented’, you’re moving on to the next ‘goal’ (the many nonsense we say to justify bad behavior sha)

Your wife should be your everyday goal. Both of you should be committed and intentional in your relationship

Intentionality goes beyond proclaiming (for instance) ‘I will not cheat on my wife’, it extends to working towards not cheating on your wife by going for therapy to heal your wounded inner child that makes you crave attention, vulnerability etc. any and everywhere, it extends to you showing up for Counseling, it extends to knowing and investing in non-sexual intimacy with your spouse, it extends to developing intimacy with God and His word, it extends to showing up for sexual therapy (this is different from emotional therapy), it extends to knowing your sexual breaking point and communicating this effectively to your spouse, it extends to having a knowledge of how long you both can do without sex before it becomes a problem in your union etc.

Talk is really cheap, you can be all lyrical on social media about your spouse but you know the reality in your home. Commit to more. We on social media won’t live in that house with you, after crafting ‘tensioning’ lyrics here, you know what you go back to. Be intentional! Work on your marriage. Marriage is garbage in, garbage out; you get back what you put in

There is no point impressing social media audiences with an illusion of a marriage that doesn’t exist, you deserve to be happy, do
the work and watch your home prosper

Marriage is not auto-pilot, it’s all hands on deck

Your marriage coach and therapist,
Ibukun!

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